Work Song

Before we get into the subject of work, watch this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AnjhQ6WH2k

Honestly, Mr. Darin pretty much says it all for me. Yes, I know my 9-5 ring-around-the-collar job pushing tin around the globe for International Widgets doesn't exactly qualify as working on a chain gang. But lawdy, that's exactly how I feel every bleeping minute I'm manacled to my desk dying one email at a time. That's why I 'm always flabbergasted when I hear someone talk about how bored he gets sitting around on vacation or when she delivers a sentiment like: "If I won the lottery, I'd still keep my job because, you know, what else would I do with all my time ..?"

Really?! You've watched every great film? Read every great book? Listened to every great piece of music? Seen every great work of art? Traveled to every corner of the globe and visited every landmark and shrine? Mastered every art & science known to man? Written every novel, short story, poem, play, screenplay, essay and/or memoir locked inside you? Who are you? Mr. Terrific? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mister_Terrific_(Terry_Sloane)

Now before you get the wrong idea, this little missive isn't going to be some rant about how I hate my job. Or how I wish I had a career doing X, Y or Z. What I'm talking about here is my utter detestation and loathing for the actual concept of work itself. Or rather, the crushing reality that in order to survive and take care of my familial, domestic and financial obligations I must be gainfully employed.

But maybe you just haven't found the right job ..? Look, let me tell you a story about a guy I met whilst living in NYC in the early 90s. Ira (his middle name) had the dream job - at least what a single guy in his mid-late twenties considered a dream job. Ira produced and starred in porno movies. In fact, if I gave you his stage name, any porn fan would recognize it immediately. (And NO, he's NOT Ron Jeremy!) Ira was a true giant in the industry; in fact, he served as the inspiration for a Hollywood film character that netted his portrayer an Oscar nomination and a Golden Globe. I met Ira while working at Shakespeare and Company Bookstore on the upper West Side. He was a frequent customer, and we shared the same eclectic literary tastes. He also knew one of my coworkers, Ian, and that gave me several occasions to break bread and share few pints with him. Anyone who thinks people in porn are stupid needs to meet a guy like Ira. He was smarter and more erudite than most PhDs I've met. And NO ONE could spin a story like him.

Anyway, the first time that Ian and I met him for dinner, we were all talking about our jobs and lives, and then - to my shock - he started bitching that he had to go to a shoot later that evening. I thought he was pulling my leg at first. I mean what guy complains about having to leave dinner with two schlubs so he can go have hours of no-holds-barred sex with not one, two but three pornstars. When I asked him this, he looked at me, sighed, and then told me exactly what awaited him at his job. After hearing him describe every unsavory sight, sound and smell accompanying a porn shoot, I learned a valuable life lesson. No matter what the job may be, for some of us unfortunate souls work always always always sucks. I guess maybe some of us are just hardwired differently.

Since my earliest memories, I've always looked upon work as captivity. Punishment. Something I'm forced to do because I'm not rich enough to avoid it or indolent enough to simply ignore it. When I have a job to do, I tap into my bottomless black hole of rage and ATTACK it, striving with every fiber of my being to finish the tribulation as accurately and quickly as possible. Not because I care about the work. Rather for the simple reason that I hate work and want to extirpate every last molecule of it from my existence. I've had coworkers observe my ferocity and tenacity, and then tell me I'm a workaholic. They have absolutely no idea what the F*** they're talking about.

I'm breaking rocks on the chain gang and serving my time. That's it! And I'll keep working .. working .. 'cause I got me so terrible long to go.