Sunday, July 19, 2015

Where Have You Gone Joe Mannix?

This blog can go a million different ways. I've written it a million different times in a million different ways in my head. Since I don't want to lose my main point over the next umpteen paragraphs, I'll state it right here. TV needs another Joe Mannix. I'm sick of expert consultants - Monk, Castle, Psych, The Mentalist, Elementary - who "work" with police departments. I mean does this job even exist in real life? Yes, police departments call in outside experts versed in particular fields to help with certain cases. But no police department hires private expert consultants to investigate murders. The very notion is absurd.

So, to paraphrase Paul Simon, I'll ask again. Where Have You Gone Joe Mannix? Whatever happened to the private detective on TV? Where are all the Jim Rockfords and Thomas Magnums? Hell, I'd even take one of the freakin' Simon Brothers.

By now, I'm sure my younger readers are scratching their heads and asking, "Who the hell is Joe Mannix?" Okay, then, please let me educate you. You just need to watch the first five minutes for now. Look at that opening sequence! Dig the music, from the brassy, pulsing waltz theme to Jack Sheldon's sweet background trumpet in the opening sequences.

Today's kids would call a guy like Mannix "Boss." From loading his gun to shaving while driving (the best sports car EVER) to scamming a free cup of joe from a jovial news vendor to goofing on his nerdy coworkers, Mannix is the single coolest human being to trod planet Earth. Ever. Throughout season one, our hero struggled as the round peg in entire detective agency comprised of square A-holes. Mannix was a gumshoe John Henry, man against machine. He pitted his street savvy, bruised knuckles and way with the ladies against Intertect's bean counting, number crunching Lew Wickersham and came out Boss every time. Finally, Mannix got sick of being a cog in the machine and struck out on his own. And that's where the legend really began.

From season two through the end of the show's run, Mannix worked out of his home office and employed a beautiful secretary, Peggy, as played by Gail Fischer. The new opening credits did away with Intertect and re-imagined the iconic theme song as a breezier, less brassy affair. The piano break hearkens us to a smoky cocktail lounge rather than a downtown office skyscraper. Mannix worked case after case fist-fighting bad guys, bedding down beauties and wearing the single greatest collection of sports coats ever assembled. Sure, lots of mamby pamby peaceniks complained about the violence, especially whenever one of Joe's old army buddies paid a visit. But waa waa waa.

Look, Mannix was a guy's guy, and he did stuff his own way. The cops liked him personally and put up with him professionally. But he was never on their payroll. Mannix was his own man doing his own job. He would have looked at Adrian Monk or Patrick Jayne and shook his head. Cops are cops. PIs are PIs. And never the twain shall meet. To explain this in a way all you kids can understand, it's like trying to leash a dire wolf in a pack of hunting dogs. Guys like Mannix don't need the cops until it's time to mop up and start cuffing the bad guys.

Which brings us right back to my point. Why are their no PIs on TV anymore? Why does every investigator need to work with the police? The first network who gets the bright idea to bring back the TV PI will have a hit on their hands provided the writing and acting are first-rate. Hell, today's audience will think someone just invented the wheel. Which begs the inevitable question. Why not just remake Mannix?

My first reaction is "Why not just remake the Bible?" Okay, maybe that's a little extreme, but you get my point. Mike Connors didn't play Mannix. Mike Connors is Mannix. Not only that, he pretty much controls all rights to the character. Good for you, Mike. However, to be fair, a retooled Mannix could work if you had A-list writers and production, real sports jackets and real cars, and an every-man lead as charismatic and balls-to-the-wall cool as Mr. Connors. A short list of leading men come to mind: Jon Hamm, Jensen Ackles, Nate Fillion. I'm not saying these guys could ever be Mannix like Mike Connors. But I think they could do a pretty decent job playing the role with the same kind of style, humor and general all around savoir-faire.

Needless to say, a better approach would be to just create a new engaging PI character. (I'm actually trying to do this in my next book, White Picket Jungle, btw) All you need to do is take a little Mannix, a little Magnum, a little Rockford, a smidgen of Longstreet, maybe even some Barnaby Jones. Not too much Cannon, though. A little Cannon goes a long way if you know what I mean. (You kids have no idea what I'm talking about.) This new PI would need to know how to throw down with his fists, but even more importantly take a goddamn punch. That was the thing about Mannix. He was tough as nails, don't get me wrong. But he also got his ass kicked quite a few times. And then he'd get back up, dust off his sports jacket, patch his bullet wound with some fishing line and get back on the job. Which is pretty much the definition of being tough as far as I'm concerned.

For those of you who'd like to know more about Mannix, Youtube has plenty of the old episodes. And JoAnn M. Paul's And Now Back To Mannix is available on Amazon and Scribd. So in closing, I'd like to leave you with a classic Mannix scene with myriad elements that make Joe Mannix the bossest PI who ever laced on a pair of patent leather gumshoes. He orders effing strudel. Priceless! Oh, and if you can't place the face, that's a young Tom Skerritt as the hippie reporter. And now, back to my life ...


4 comments:

  1. I haven;t thought about Mannix in years. I never saw the show very much because I was busy playing at night but I remember you and your brother were BIG fans.

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  2. I just wrote a long involved comment and it vanished. Computers are like crappy magicians. Yay!

    As I was saying...I think the fall of the Hard Boiled PI stories began with shows like Hill Street Blues, Homicide, and Law & Order. All three transformed the bumbling cop into a blue collar hero--much like the PI once was.

    The changing political and social climate it people more comfortable with our Detectives acting like how our P.I.'s once did. (because at the end of the day, there is someone more stable there to reel them in.) A perfect example of that transition would be McNulty from the Wire. Many of his traits fall under that of the old time P.I.--but he's even more dangerous because he answer to the "system."

    I feel the soft vigilante TV shows, like Castle and Monk, only prove there is an audience for a man or woman to take matters into their own hands--reviving the PI franchise. You should write it! I would love to read it.

    My other response was much better.
    Blogger is now my enemy.

    Great post!

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  3. Where have you gone, Cody Allen, Nick Ryder, and Murray Bozinsky? Where have you gone, Laura Holt and Remington Steele? Where have you gone, Maddie Hayes and David Addison? The TV private eye was pretty well neutered in the 1980s, making the previous decade's tough guys look like dinosaurs. And really, where do you go after "Richie Brockelman, Private Eye"? Nuff said. The "consulting detective" shows you mention are all just rip-offs of Sherlock Holmes, an easy formula for lazy writers.

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  4. In my forthcoming White Picket Jungle, I revisit the PI; note I didn't say re-invent. The Machovina & Casey Agency appears tangentially at first in one story. Then take on a greater role in their second appearance and interact directly with Chris Telamon. Finally, they get their own "stand alone" novella, The Alternate Man. Who knows, maybe some Hwood type will read it and see the possibilities of an old school PI (aka the Grinder) and his younger tech-savvy associates, one who happens to have a checkered past in addition to being Chris Telamon's ex-gf.

    ReplyDelete